Like every decent captain on the ship. I try to take advantage of the quiet time at sea to the necessary repairs, maintenance and cleaning on our family ship.
That's why, on the occasion of jointly making pancakes (somehow it is in our house, that when it comes to repairing the engine in the car or programmer in the washing machine, the first with a screwdriver in hand, Barbara engineer appears by profession surveyor, and I like to stand at garages) , I asked kids: what do they think when we shout to them.
There was silence. "In total, we think nothing"Stated Tymczan. Of course, the depth of this answer caused silence on my side. Once I have swallowed a bitter pill, that I am gouging my throat, I am leaving Rejtan a worthy stage at least of the National Theater in Poznań, and they think nothing. I asked a question from the Kaizen Japanese philosophy "WHY?" The answer came from Ewczan "Because I know you love us anyway”. Zamurowało mnie. Zdecydowałem, że taka odpowiedź jest warta bitej śmietany na naleśnikach – choć staramy się jeść zdrowo 😉 .
How did this happen?
After this exchange, I wondered for a long time how we felt that we love them when we shout to them. I remember a few solid cleaners from my dad. Sometimes I preferred to get spanked, niż słuchać wrzasku i mieć wyrzuty sumienia, że zawiodłem rodziców, bo wysmarowałem (zupełnie nieświadomie 😉 ), świeżutko kupioną kanapę klejem biurowym. Po prostu robiliśmy z bratem laurki, no a gdzie wytrzeć brudne od kleju paluchy, jeśli nie w podręczne 6m2 materiału na kanapie? Słowem jak na mnie ktoś krzyczał, to czułem się źle, miałem wyrzuty sumienia, czułem że zawiodłem, self-esteem decreased to zeroand of course I wanted to buy my guilt as soon as possible after the fuss. And our kids, what? Are they insensitive?
I wtedy przypomniałem sobie. Po pierwszym krzyczeniu do dzieci, jak się już wszystko rozeszło po kościach, wzięliśmy dzieci na rozmowę. Oczywiście w kuchni 😉 First of all, I apologized children that I was shouting. Second, I explained to themwhy I shouted. And the reason was simple - I let my nerves go - my emotions spilled out of me. So I confessed to my moment of weakness (nervousness and not feeling emotions), for which I just apologized. Thirdly, I took the box. And I explained to the kids that no matter what is happening and how much they are messing up our love (parents to children and children to parents) is safe. It is always and absolutely protected in a box called love, to which I put all the good and bad moments in our lives. Fourthly, we explained them to Basia, the differences of shouting "to" and "to" them. We scream because they give us nerves and sometimes we shout our emotions and we have the right to do so. Just as children have the right to express their emotions and should not be ashamed of them.
One conversation
It turned out that this one conversation was enough for the kids to remember that we were shouting to them because we expressed our emotions so, but it has nothing to do with losing our love or thinking about them that they let us down.
That's how it got into our blood, that Today, after every OPERATION, we always add that we love them and we think that you can see something temporarily on the brain, that they behaved in a different way, but it is not a steady state and we know that in fact, these are good kids.
As you can see from our children, you can sometimes shout to children, but you do not have to take it personally. The condition is one - you have to do it well and after all, to calmly talk and explain why we were screaming.
Thanks
By the way, we would like to thank you Dorota Zawadzka, for writing a book over 11 years ago, in which we found many valuable tips that work in everyday, "normal" life.
