It begins to reflect me with my orange communion as I read the comments under the anti-red-strip trends. At the end of the current school year, there was a fashion for sharing texts such as: "kindness, empathy, smile, tenderness, goodness, love ... this testimony of a child's life will be with a red stripe of love". And the obligatory "certificate with a red stripe is not the most important". Wonderful. Do we still believe in utopia after 50 years of communism? If so, to paraphrase the words of the PPS's appeals of January 1918: "Parents of all countries unite," take a runaway and fuck your head in the nearest wall. Maybe it will wake you up before it's too late for your children.
Life shows that the world is not a perfect place for our children. Promoting only hard-to-define features such as kindness, empathy, tenderness, goodness, love (each of us has a different definition of these features), and forgetting about the regularity, everyday work, the effort to learn by heart, the ability to understand the world around us (which are reflected in the grades at school), the ability to defend and deal with difficult situations in life, we create a serious threat to our children. We send a "bad" message to them.
Unfortunately, as my carpenter's father-in-law says: "Every table to stand needs at least three points of support". In addition to sensitivity and love, our children also need regularity, learning and spiritual development, I would add a fourth leg: physical development. Today we will deal with the first two "legs".
Parenting bloggers one - second parents
Good grades are important, it is even more important how our children reach them and whether they can separate them from the assessment of their own values. Because we, as parents, often can not do it, I know for sure. What a sick fashion has cometo be ashamed of being a good student? Why did I come to the conclusion that such fashion is starting to prevail? I have read dozens of comments under parenting bloggers.
Bloggers accurately point out to parents the obsessions of the "red bar", expose the weaknesses of our education system, and what do we understand and promote from parents by making catchy memes from the series "red strip of love will be a testimony of our children's lives"? I have the impression that the most prominent word will be: "justifications." Some parents go even further, pouring hectoliters of words in the comments, trying to suggest that the red bar has children who can not cope in life, because they will work for those "three" from the school bench. The red bar is becoming a synonym of shame for both children and parents.
The red bar on the testimony is dying before our eyes. What's so bad about the fact that kids who have learned better than others are "first among equals"? I think we would overcome it somehow, but it hurts us more as parents that we did not get this red bar. We have worked so hard. If we got it, we would praise it in every conversation with friends.
Can you imagine it? Such a telephone conversation with a friend from Ciechocinek:
"- What's your weather like?
- I'm just watching the sunset. You know such red and white clouds. Just like Jasia's testimony. And I did not tell you ...? "
The red bar on the certificate is bad only when it is the purpose of the parents and not their child. And in addition, if this is the only goal.
The red stripe should not, however, be a goal that children should achieve "at any price" and their only goal in life. If they did everything they could but they did not get it, they should know that everything is ok. Let us love them as they are. Absolutely. It just did not work and there is no tragedy. Seen elsewhere they have achieved success. As parents, we should be able to point them out and be able to set goals for them, both school ones and those that shape their personality.
Why do we applaud so much for features that are difficult to define? Because it is easier. Each of us has a different definition of empathy, being good or sensitive. To get a red bar - you have to meet very specific requirements. Bright and one for everyone. There is no room for justification (although it is known that the lady from biology has taken on our daughter ...).
Do not get me wrong. I agree with you. The education system in Poland is poor, but this is a topic for a separate entry.
We are such an "anti-system"
I am tempted to write that I understand anti-red-belt parents. It's great to hear that the ratings are not the most important. We did not have very good grades ourselves (in most cases), so suddenly a bum! We have an explanation and justification. We are adults who were trendsetters in their youth! We anticipated this trend. Wow! Fantastic. We are such an "anti-system". Now, as parents, we also did not give "body", we only raise similar geniuses. All OK? Yes. Only that this should not be our message for children. It's so easy to look for excuses for yourself. I am tempted to write that I understand it but I will not write because I do not understand.
Do you prefer a dog or a cat?
I am tempted to write that I would like to live in the world of dogs. Have you noticed that such eagerly promoted traits for our children on the occasion of "fighting" with red stripes (empathy, sensitivity, love, etc.), without the association of other traits, are the features that fit perfectly to the description of a domestic dog? Outraged? And good! How would you describe a cat? In addition to everything that has occurred to you, every cat owner knows that it the cat allows you to live in a man's apartment. Cats are independent but also can show love, sensitivity, empathy and attachment. And if someone will deal with him, he will be splashed. Our cat roofer (weight about 3 kg), calmly "sets" our dog - gulp (weight 35 kg). This is the strength of a well-balanced and developed character. I am tempted to write that the world of dogs suits me, but I will not write, because the world of dogs reminds me too much of a shelter, with unhappy inhabitants inside. This is jumping from the extreme to the extreme.
What kind of people are our children to be?
I think the definition is very difficult and everyone has it as a parent. However, we should make an effort to define it. It is she who sets the parental goals for us, except for the "school" ones. It will also allow us to look at our children as a "whole". Ours is so, although it changes all the time:
We would like our children not to think only themselves and their benefits. That they would have the habit of succeeding. They were systematic and constantly developed. To be able to work smartly and rest, take care of yourself to have the strength to work hard when needed. We dream about recognizing our passions and talents. We would like them to be able to seek help when something is over or something bad happens to them. We would like them to defend themselves and the weaker ones. Even if it means that they will lose ... We would like them to be fully human: if you need to be sensitive if you need to be hard.
Let's stop jumping from the extreme to the extreme, looking for easy excuses for yourself. Do not "promote" only what is comfortable for us. Our children are wonderful as they are. Each of them is a unique mix of talents. Our task is to teach them how to be fully good people who achieve what they intend to achieve. They can take care of themselves and others. In this definition there is a place for love for yourself and others, empathy, goodness, there is also room for effectiveness, proper moral choices, there is also room for the ability to defend yourself and seek help if the need arises. Good people dream of a good dawn, so I sleep peacefully waiting for the future that our children will create, those with a red stripe and those without it.
