It's not like we're exaggerating with the amount of extra classes. We believe that one or two additional activities are the maximum load. We believe that a child must have time to get bored and develop. It seems to be modest with out-of-school activities, and actually something happens every day. For example: the school organizes something additional, such as a recitation contest, scouting also organizes something, and still a grandmother and grandpa's day, etc. And if we have more than one child, we multiply this list twice or more.
Strasznie bym skłamał gdybym powiedział, że moje zaangażowanie w wożenie dzieci było równe z zaangażowaniem Basi. To ona dzielnie codziennie odhaczała 2/3 (jak nie więcej) grafiku. Co być może da się usprawiedliwić…bo moja praca… nie będę się pogrążał 🙂 . Nie da się tego usprawiedliwić 🙂 Honey, you are great and thank You for that!
The distance, however, allowed me to see that something was "spying" in this adult life. Instead of enjoying freedom, then we invent "extra classes" and we have great excuses that we do it. What? Here are a few of them:
Security - perfect justification
After asking the question why we carry our children everywhere, the answer hit me like a rabid rhino in a safari roadster. SECURITY. Fantastic word. Key word. A word that is not discussed. Well, because if something "happens" we will fight in the chest and mumble: "our fault, our fault, our very great wine, we could carry them after all."
And my parents did not drive me anywhere. They had a car, they had time, but ... no, they did not drive, that's all. I live in a medium-sized town and from the first grade of primary school I had to deal with transport myself :). Somehow I survived.
There used to be a smaller movement
Może i był mniejszy ale czym to się jeździło w latach 80 tych i 90 tych :). Pamiętacie? Maluchy, polonezy, klepane mercedesy, golfy ech…. piękne czasy. No ale poza “tęsknotą” za 400 km, lipcową podróżą z rodzicami i starszym bratem Fiatem 126p, z bagażami na dachu i w środku (dało się tam coś jeszcze włożyć 🙂 ), to powiedzmy sobie szczerze: myśl technologiczna i systemy bezpieczeństwa w tych samochodach they were re-inventing.
At one time, life was slower
I remember that in primary and secondary school I went to additional English, SKSy and still scouts, schola, community meetings, and to school I had 8 km of forest - because I just went to the forest technical school. Besides, I also had almost 2 km to go to primary school, because my city is not very long for it. And I do not know if it was slower than it is today.
We have prepared such a fate for ourselves
You have to honestly admit: it's our fault. It is us as parents who decide what our children are involved in. Sometimes "sits on the brain" and we are trying to make robots out of children: 2-3 additional languages, learning to dance, to play and sing. And what happens in bigger cities, where the possibilities are bigger? I heard lately that Cooking learning is very popular - such a master chef for children. Massacre.
I certainly did not mention even 1% of this what parents are condemning their children to. In the name of what? A better start? Free jokes. Probably this tormented kid, he will want to rest from everything, instead of shaping his personality and doing something that will push the world forward. Sometimes such rest can last a lifetime.
Psychologists are alarming that they are increasingly dealing with burnout syndrome, already in school-age children. Earlier, occupational burnout mainly concerned people with 10 years and more seniority.
We do not guarantee 100% safety for our children
Let us reconcile with the fact that it is impossible. It is true that hurts all parents. In addition, by transporting our children everywhere, we protect them too much and defer only during their confrontation with road hazards.
We also reduce their chances of winning in this clash. We did not give them the opportunity to practice, we did not let them suffer small failures when they were of the first grade and their independence horizon reached to the grocery store and back. From teenagers, however, we expect that they will not "blame" anything when they sit behind the wheel of their first car.
Less traffic on roads and a calmer lifestyle are arguments that are also highly debatable. Maybe there is more traffic today, but the cars are more intelligent than the statistical high school graduate.
"Black numbers" are not so black
All police statistics are consistent: the number of accidents involving pedestrians is decreasing. For this, accidents involving children in cars are disturbingly rising or have been equal for several years.
For example: accidents involving children on foot, aged 7-14 in 2018 were: 678 (658 injured and 20 killed). The incidents involving children as passengers who were injured were: 949 (936 wounded and 13 dead), that is almost 30% more.
678 accidents for 2.1 million children aged 7-14. Despite the undoubted tragedies associated with any accident where the child is a victim, these numbers in the country show that our children are safe.
How we stopped being the drivers of our children
In September 2018 we made a decision. No more carrying our children. In autumn and winter there are buses, in spring and summer bicycles, rollers, etc.
At the beginning we checked how our children ride bicycles. "They passed the exam" driving through the street through the most difficult intersections (Tymoteusz already has a bicycle card, Ewa being two years younger was riding a bicycle path) in the city, and showing what they can do in a bicycle town.
Then we checked if they can ride a bus. Three joint rides were enough and they were already independent.
Effects?
Our children discovered that without parents, they are usually faster at home. And in teenagers it does not matter;). That's why they love bicycles, buses, rollers, even walking trips - because they do not have to stay in the day room until we finish work.
In addition, our children they discovered what it means to mix in a small town (11-12 tyś mieszkańców) 🙂 . Pewnego wieczoru dostałem telefon od zatroskanych znajomych, że widzieli naszego dzieciaka jak jechał na rowerze bez kasku. Ewczan i Tymczan zrozumieli, że nie ma anonimowości w małych miasteczkach.
And he turned over ...
Scene from home:
"- Honey, I will take him to this English because it's raining. - said my wife.
- It's raining a little, but why do you want to take it right away? - I asked.
- Because it's raining. - answered my wife in accordance with the iron logic. "
Sometimes habits and overprotection, they fight good decisions. In the end, it turned out that Young drove in the rain by bicycle.
No i się wywrócił, bo droga była śliska. Wrócił lekko zapłakany – bolało go obite kolano. Ogarnął się z błota i… z własnej chęci pojechał jeszcze raz rowerem. Tym razem obiecał, że będzie bardziej uważał 🙂 . Szacun ludzi ulicy dla Młodego!
It was confirmed that the decision not to transport children was good. Our child, who by nature is the master of "iść" on the smallest line of resistance (after one of his parents: *), showed that any obstacle would not cause him to give up.
Maybe it will allow him, in adult life, not to look for a "hole in the whole" and not look for "simple justifications", only efficiently avoided minor obstacles on the way to your goals?
Do not you have the impression that we are getting into a storm of duties?
Sometimes we try to heal our own complexes, realizing our unfulfilled passions, with our children's hands. Sometimes we can not see their natural talents in our children, so we push them to all possible additional activities. Sometimes additional activities cost us so much that we have to work more to pay them. The circle closes and we fall on our face with fatigue.
First of all, let's stop being over-protective. Let the children make mistakes. Let them give them the right to do so. Let them exercise independence from an early age, because they will learn to swim in a shallow pool rather than in a deep pool. Let us be a safe port for them, and not a protective suit, without which they can not cope in their lives. By the way, we'll have some free time.
